Dear Abby: My relative’s suicide still haunts the house where his daughter lives

DEAR ABBY: My husband’s uncle died by suicide in his house six months ago. It was a shock to the whole family. Since the funeral, we have been helping to sort out his affairs, including cleaning out his house to get it ready for sale.

My husband’s cousin (uncle’s daughter) has understandably had a hard time coping with the loss of her father and has decided to buy the house and live there. She has not sought grief counseling and uses social media as a therapeutic tool.

Many in the family believe she is making a mistake driven by grief. She wants to hold family gatherings and holiday celebrations there. Those of us who helped clean the house don’t want to go back there. The loss is still recent and the memories of the scene are still fresh.

How can we tell this cousin that we don’t feel comfortable visiting the house without causing her more grief? We want to be supportive, but it’s very difficult to go back to the place where he ended his life. — TRAUMATIZED IN MISSOURI

TRAUMATIZED BELOVED: Your husband’s cousin is trying hard to deal with her grief, however misguided her method may be. Everyone has supported her, but someone needs to have an honest talk with her and let her know that what she is fantasizing about is not going to happen.

The person closest to him should speak frankly – to the family – about their reluctance to visit home again. Once she knows, she may be less eager to buy her father’s house. Yes, she could probably use grief counseling and it is available to families who have experienced the type of trauma she has. One resource that can help is the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org), but that poor, grieving woman has to be willing to ask for it.

DEAR ABBY: When I’m invited to a friend’s house for dinner and they ask me to bring dessert, I always make something fresh and delicious for that evening. Lately I’ve been noticing that some friends, invited to my house or to another friend’s party, are bringing back half-eaten desserts from the previous evening’s family dinner.

I think this is rude. It’s as if they say: “It’s not worth the effort.” Is this a new trend, or am I being overly sensitive? — IRRITATED IN IDAHO

DEAR ANGRY: You’re not very sensitive and if this is a new trend, I haven’t heard of it. Many hosts serve their guests fresh food and are careful in how it is presented. By that I mean it’s not half worn and it doesn’t look like leftovers. If the “few friends” who do this don’t have time to prepare something to bring, they have to buy something and bring it whole.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.